I haven’t been writing
But I’m not sorry for that….
I’m getting better
Not better at writing silly, but better, better 😉
I feel it and I know it!
I know I’ve said this before, but no lie!
I have opened my eyes that true change comes from within
I’ve been so busy waiting for my happiness to happen versus trying to make it happen myself
Yes my depression, anxiety and paranoia are constantly showing there faces but ptsd is a bitch and I have no plans of letting it take me down anymore!
I must keep reminding myself to get into a routine
Routine is everything to me
My day goes by the same way everyday
And as long as I can tweak my routine a bit without my brain mentally realizing it then I can add a little healthy attitude into my everyday.
I can feel myself getting stronger
Literally loving every part of myself 🙂
My insides are becoming brighter then the sun and no longer the dark misty black hole that I constantly complain about
There’s finally a shed of light within my grasp and I’m never letting go
Not one bit, not for anyone!
Which brings me to my next enlightening
Never lower yourself for anyone
Learn to say no!
You want me to help you with something easy that I’d usual be down with helping you with?
“Nah chill, I’m too busy minding my own business” in reality I’m telling myself I love me!
I am beautiful!
I’m worth every ounce of breathe I have ever taken!
Yes this all sounds a tad bit selfish and a bit vein but after years of engraving in my mind that I’m a piece of shit….
Hell yeah I’m going to take a bit of me time and love myself and be lazy
My selfishness is apart of MY healing process
I’m all about me!
Me! Me! Meeeeee!!!!!
You notice I said “my healing process”
Noting: this may or may not work for everyone
Shit it may not even work for me, but right now in this moment…it’s what has made me see a brighter future!!!
According to wordpress i wrote that 17days ago^^^
Riiiiiiiiight now, in this time
I mean none of that
positivity can turn into a negative in a minute
I’m no longer hopeful things will ever change
I must learn to adapt…
but that seems like so much work
(crying hysterically on the inside)
I’m sure things will get better one day
Stay optimistic Camille….
I swear i’m not as strong as i use to be
i feel different from when i started blogging
I’m a totally different person
But i guess that’s what happens as you grow.
its like being trapped in the situation that i was in as a teenager made me stronger
but its not until i see now
i’ve been living the good life
i’ve taken things for granted
I can never appreciate what i have
and i admit that
I love everything i have, i just want to stop feeling crazy.
nothings really wrong
but i feel like i’m melting
I’m spiraling back into the intense hole i created for myself
and i cant seem to find my way out
but i know i will
It’s just so frustrating going back and fourth
I’m sure you can relate in a sense
We’re all different but the same haha
I’m laughing only because i know…i’m not alone…
That’s what motivates me!
Thoughts are just thoughts….
I’m at war with myself
and i’m ready for a treaty