Before And After

1

I haven’t been writing

But I’m not sorry for that….

I’m getting better

Not better at writing silly, but better, better 😉

I feel it and I know it!

I know I’ve said this before, but no lie!

I have opened my eyes that true change comes from within

I’ve been so busy waiting for my happiness to happen versus trying to make it happen myself

Yes my depression, anxiety and paranoia are constantly showing there faces but ptsd is a bitch and I have no plans of letting it take me down anymore!

I must keep reminding myself to get into a routine

Routine is everything to me

My day goes by the same way everyday

And as long as I can tweak my routine a bit  without my brain mentally realizing it then I can add a little healthy attitude into my everyday.

I can feel myself getting stronger

Loving life

Loving myself

Literally loving every part of myself 🙂

My insides are becoming brighter then the sun and no longer the dark misty black hole that I constantly complain about

There’s finally a shed of light within my grasp and I’m never letting go

Not one bit, not for anyone!

Which brings me to my next enlightening

Never lower yourself for anyone

Learn to say no!

No!

Noo!

Noooo!!!

You want me to help you with something easy that I’d usual be down with helping you with?

“Nah chill, I’m too busy minding my own business” in reality I’m telling myself I love me!

I am beautiful!

I’m worth every ounce of breathe I have ever taken!

Yes this all sounds a tad bit selfish and a bit vein but after years of engraving in my mind that I’m a piece of shit….

Hell yeah I’m going to take a bit of me time and love myself and be lazy

My selfishness is apart of MY healing process

I’m all about me!

Me! Me! Meeeeee!!!!!

You notice I said “my healing process”

Noting: this may or may not work for everyone

Shit it may not even work for me, but right now in this moment…it’s what has made me see a brighter future!!!

———————————————

According to wordpress i wrote that 17days ago^^^

Riiiiiiiiight now, in this time

I mean none of that

positivity can turn into a negative in a minute

I’m no longer hopeful things will ever change

I must learn to adapt…

but that seems like so much work

(crying hysterically on the inside)

I’m sure things will get better one day

Stay optimistic Camille….

I swear i’m not as strong as i use to be

i feel different from when i started blogging

I’m a totally different person

But i guess that’s what happens as you grow.

its like being trapped in the situation that i was in as a teenager made me stronger

but its not until i see now

i’ve been living the good life

i’ve taken things for granted

i’m selfish….

I can never appreciate what i have

and i admit that

I love everything i have, i just want to stop feeling crazy.

nothings really wrong

but i feel like i’m melting

I’m spiraling back into the intense hole i created for myself

and i cant seem to find my way out

but i know i will

It’s just so frustrating going back and fourth

I’m sure you can relate in a sense

We’re all different but the same haha

I’m laughing only because i know…i’m not alone…

That’s what motivates me!

Thoughts are just thoughts….

I’m at war with  myself

and i’m ready for a treaty

life-4

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