NO Need to WhINE

2

Sitting here….

Watching the ball drop alone….once again…

My kids asked me to wake them in time, I promised.

I held my end of the bargain.

Super happy 11:55 pm hit.

I wake them like they asked.

Pretty much they all looked at me and said “never mind, I want to go back to sleep”

They might as well of said “fuck you, let me sleep bitch!”

Well that’s how I perceived it.

My heart crushed with sadness

I ran to my room grabbed my journal (The one I only write in when I’m terribly upset)

And I started writing a “bucket list”

*Take a walk outside alone without feeling like your going to die.

*Take a vacation

*Buy something very expensive for just myself (at least $50 haha)

*Feel comfortable with myself.

*Stop being constantly paranoid.

*Stop over analyzing everything.

*See the ball drop in new York (for new years obviously)

*Get mental help.

*Live life be happy!

That’s literally what I wrote word for word in my journal.

As I was reading back what I wrote I realized this isn’t a bucket list.

It’s a goals list.

I think my sub conscience is telling me, this is what i have to do.

I literally just sub conscientiously mapped out the steps I need to take to finally be happy.

or at least feel normal…

Well not all the steps

But a few important ones.

The tricky part is overcoming my fears to even start the process.

I literally need to overcome EVERY FEAR I HAVE..

to become a better person.

I’m so used to a routine 

it slowly changes over time.

Slowly but surely I become someone new.

EVERY YEAR.

 Hopefully this year is it.

My time for something new.

But good new.

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2 thoughts on “NO Need to WhINE

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