I’ve been going through moments where my day revolves around eating.
I’ve been binge eating.
I feel super gross.
Every time I eat, I remember this one specific moment in my teenage years when I thought i’d forever be 100lbs.
I told myself
(at this time not knowing life wanted to throw hardcore life lessons at me)
“I don’t care if i’m 500lbs, eating makes me happy!”
Just being a little over 200lbs, specifically 220…
I was miserable.
Now finally 144 (after about 6yrs) i’m afraid to see that weight again.
I’m still not happy with my weight now!
My mental health is making me eat again..
Eat and eat and freaking eat.
I eat all day, well more then usual.
I wish I was one of those people who could binge and purge…
Just saying the word PURGE makes me sick!
My moral standards would never let me do that.
My conscience is a blessing but a curse.
Why can’t I be completely crazy, or completely sane?
Please excuse me while I go eat a huge unnecessary bowl of spaghetti.
Which will be followed by a whole bag of deliciousness!
The one and only snack that smiles back…
I know i’ll feel a little bit better, but it all will conclude with GUILT!