If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad.

image

I often wonder
What will become of my life?
Will I ever feel satisfied?
My paranoia with death is getting extremely out of hand.
I constantly feel like I’m gasping for air.
I think I’m becoming a little bit claustrophobic.
For some reason I feel like when I die….
I’ll somewhat still be alive.
I’ll still have a thoughts.
That scares me most!
I feel like when I die I’ll eternally have to listen to my own thoughts…..
All alone…
In death I live the way I felt through life.
As you can tell, I’ve been a little needy.
I need a little love.
I’ve been a little something.
I don’t know how I’ve been feeling.
I’m all over the place.
I’m ready to make a real change.
I’ve been saying this for years.
I feel better….
Then I feel worse….
Then I feel better…..
It’s a crap life I live.
What happened to the innocence of life.
When mediocre things felt tragic.
When life seemed average.
Now that tragic feeling just seems average.
I’ve seen worse.
I’ve been through hell.
I’m seeing the light.
It seems so dim, but I see it.
I need to get on routine.
I know once I do that my ocd tendencies will show it’s ugly face.
My paranoia will get worst.
I hate to pick and choose.
Routine and paranoia….
Or depression and anxiety….
Either way, all will be present.
Less or more.
It’s the balance I’m worried about.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , ,

One thought on “If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad.

  1. remanandhra says:

    Usually when I am happy, I quickly return to the ‘sad’ state which often simply seems to be my default state.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: