why so serious

I often wonder if this real life…..
Am I dreaming?
Did Justin hit me so hard that I’m in some sort of coma?
Is this what a coma feels like?
How did I go from a completely happy carefree life
To this garbage?
I’m not saying I’m not happy
But I’m not completely satisfied.
6 years from my mother’s passing is quickly approaching
And its still hard to believe she’s gone
She’s missing out on my life
My children’s lives
I don’t have someone to call up and express my concerns
There’s no mother of the bride for me
No one to do my yearly Christmas shopping with
I’ve never had any normalcy in my life.
that’s all I want, just one ounce of normalcy
I’ve realized I’ve never really made any good choices in my life.
Chris was probably my first great choice
But every choice I’ve made leading up to him
Has screwed me over
I’m talking like I’ve lived such a full life!
I’m only 24 but I feel like I’m 40
I grew up so fast!
I’ve learned not to trust anyone at a young age.
I not only became a parent as a child, but I also lost my parents as a child.
I’m scared of everything
People think I’m this amazing super mom figure.
Pshh….I’m far from it.
A super mom wouldn’t be afraid to leave the house!
Talk to people, have a job, get things done!
My anxieties restrict me from a lot.
My grandparents have seen my 3 sisters succeed at different things at life.
My grandparents are all we have.
I feel like I’m the one who has failed them.
There old, and I want them to feel comfortable knowing
I’ve done something great!
I’m finally doing something for myself!
I’m finally breaking out of my shell and no longer afraid.
But I’m far from that.
I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
It seems hopeless at this point.
I’m just ready to wake up from this nightmare already!
How the hell can I wake up from this coma!!!

Tagged , , , , , , ,

One thought on “Comatose

  1. You can and you will! One step at a time is most likely how you will break free – “If you believe then you can achieve!” (Tupac Shakur).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: