Que Sera Sera!

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I woke up this morning thinking about scenarios.
What could’ve happened if I defended myself against that asshole!
I ended up getting shot and killed in everyone.
It’s sad I sat there and let him beat me
Like literally sat there.
I felt so helpless but yet had so much rage.
Instead of hurting him I would’ve hurt myself.
I couldn’t imagine sinking to his level
Why inflict pain on someone else?
I figured at the time if I hurt myself
It would be more effective then trying to hurt him.
He would have to live with that guilt for the rest of his life!
Yeah he was an asshole but I knew it would hurt him.
I clearly never hurt myself
I almost did but clearly didn’t.
I couldn’t imagine leaving my son.
I couldn’t imagine leaving my family.
I couldn’t imagine giving up!
I’m the most stubborn bitch in the world!
Of course I wouldn’t kill myself for a man.
That’s why I just sat there and took the beatings.
Like I said literally sat there.
I waited for it the be over.
If I had a watch I probably would’ve checked it a couple of times and asked
“are you done yet?! Can you hurry up and finish?
“I have places to go, people to see! You know in my little corner of the room I’m being subjected to.”
I feel like I probably eye rolled at every first punch.
“Oh here we go again, hopefully he’ll let me know what minimal thing I did this time! Like burn the toast or some shit.”
Every tear I shed
I was laughing inside
“This guy is an asshole, like this is seriously my life.”
I honestly can’t believe I let something like that happen to me!
But bet your bottom dollar
That I will NEVER EVER EVER!
Let that happen again!
Whether it’s with me or one of my girls.
I swear I will nip that shit in the ass the second it happens!
Especially when it comes to my girls.
I absolutely refuse to let them have my problems.
Having PTSD is no joke!
Having anxiety and depression is no joke.
People seriously hurt themselves over this kinda crap.
I’m not willing to risk the chain reactions that could be.
I insist on my kids living the better life I never had
But i could only imagine what that could have been.
With that said everything happens for a reason.
[I know I’m so cliche]
And if it wasn’t for that event
My life wouldn’t be the way it is now.
With my wonderful kids and perfect idealic husband!
[Hmp… Is idealic even a word? I guess now it is]

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