I haven’t blogged in a while.
but that’s not anything new, is it?
I’m secluding myself .
I want to feel normal again.
I have like negative friends.
I barely go out in public.
I don’t even know how to fake a conversation anymore!
I avoid any human contact that I can.
I want to stay in bed all day, in my little corner.
I feel safest there.
It’s scary walking around my house.
I’m mostly alone
[well besides the kids]
It’s lonely and scary.
but it’s more scary being out in the open with people!
I cant wait to sit on my back porch in the warmth
sipping on a glass of red wine
listening to the birds.
Nature soothes my soul
and wine soothes my fears.
I want to feel at home again!
In my own body…I feel indifferent.
I don’t even know who I am anymore.
It’s almost like some boring scared ass bitch took me over.
I want to feel ALIVE again!
where did I go wrong?
MAKE IT ALL GO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
Oh and also the source of this whole blog post could be because i’ve been hoarding these notebooks i’ve had for 8 years filled with notes me and Justin wrote to each other in highschool, ive thrown them away millions of times but yesterday seemed like the day to finally get rid of that part of my past….threw them away took them out, then told Chris to do it….instead we burned them, FUCKKK that was hard, sad, depressing…but it feels GREAT to let go!