Crazy, Fucked Up, Unexplainable Maddness i tell ya!

1

I often wonder what if?

You all know I say that way too much!

I caught myself thinking my mother was alive the other day…AGAIN! 

I was staring at my kids

Thinking how cute and how much they’ve grown

I couldn’t wait to call my mother and tell her sienna said “ryleigh”

But then I realized There’s no one to call

My mothers dead

I started thinking “What if” AGAIN!

What if my mother was alive?

She would TOTALLY be happy!

I feel like she lived for grandchildren

Now she has them and can’t enjoy them

I know I often rant about the same things over and over again

I find peace

Then I lose it

Then I find peace again!

When will this crazy fucked up madness end?!

This past month I have loved Chris.

Okay yeahhh that sounds crazy writing that

but seriously sometimes my brain blacks out

and I cant control my anger

I absolutely start hating people

Flipping out

Most of it comes out on Chris.

If he even stares at me I yell

If I sense hes going to touch my shoulder I yell

I swear I have eyes in the back of my head

ears as big as dumbo

and senses that would scare some sort of supernatural being

[sorry for that one I’ve been watching vamp dies on Netflix all week]

I feel like I’m a crazy powerful human that would and could fuck your world up

but I choose not too

I choose to breathe

I choose the neutral, healthy, I-just-want-the-world-to-love-me-approach

I’m choosing to be like my mother

In the sense that I wanna be a people person

I just need to fuck this anxiety’s world up first

Anxiety=A Lot

Camille=Zeroooooo

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One thought on “Crazy, Fucked Up, Unexplainable Maddness i tell ya!

  1. Scotti says:

    So sad to see that my firend is going through so much. This is goiung to sound REALLY hoaky.. but here goes. you are not alone. Even if you just want to escape and have a girls night out we could. i miss you. feel better… XOXOXOXO

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