Great Heart Bad Mind!

1

I’m working on myself

Still………!

Ive been saying that for months and months and months

For a second I feel a change

Then in a instant everything goes away

I want to feel better for my children

and especially for Chris

Chris deals with a lot

when it comes to me

More then any husband should deal with

I feel bad

and honestly I wouldn’t blame him if he left

But everyday without fail

he kisses me on the forehead and says

“I love you, no matter what, I’m never leaving and I’m always going to be here”

It feels good when he says that

My normal anxiety and depression

is slowly morphing into paranoia

and really bad mood swings

I can barely go to the store anymore

People make me nervous

The slightest anything can trigger anything

I honestly feel crazy

I’m going crazy

I cant even pick up the phone and call my grandmother anymore

The phone makes me nervous

Everything goes to voicemail

Text messages get ignored

People scare me

Death scares me

My mind scares me

But what keeps me going is knowing Chris is going to be by my side

Through all of it

Well, hopefully through all of it

Holding my hand

I’m the luckiest women in the world

and its all because of him

He doesn’t even realize it

Because the hatred I constantly feel towards him

doesn’t let me say it

My heart feels one way

But my head feels another

and my words have a strong bond with my brain

and I can never get the right words out

My big heart that I inherited from my mother

Is left unheard

I’m a good person

But I’m starting to feel bad

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