Existing in Existence

000

I don’t understand

How people can just wake up and love themselves

Or even wake up and pretend to love themselves,
I try to do that ever so often
And in the end, i end up feeling gross and worthless
all over again
Its a never ending battle with myself
My weight keeps fluctuating
Because one minute i hate myself
then the next I’m okay
Then I’m okay for a long time
Then its to the point i forget how fat i was
And i eat and eat and eat
Because of my anxieties and depression.
I’m not trying to make this into a rant about my ongoing battle with being “fat”
But its the fact that
Sometimes i wake up rejuvenated ready for change.
I can feel that way for only so long
Then it hits me again.
I’m going no where.
Every things the same.
All my non existent problems are still there.
I cant wait to open my eyes
And see everything I’ve always wanted is right here.
But my mothers death is a constant reminder
I cant have everything.
It kills me.
I want everything!
Everybody wants everything.
What makes me special.
Nothing.
So ill just continue to mosey on
Pretending I’m going to eventually find what I’m looking for.
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2 thoughts on “Existing in Existence

  1. Leo says:

    I completelly understand the feelings in this poem

    (I feel like it everyday)

  2. cpaynelove says:

    thank you! if feels great to know someone knows what im going through

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