Anxious Oversight

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Sometimes i sit here
and wonder if i should blog or not?!
Mid anxiety attack.
Most of the time my answer is Yes!
But then sometimes, it just seems pointless
I feel like I’m letting everyone too deep into my soul.
These are feelings i cant even say to myself
But yet in a fit of rage
I can sit here
Write down my feelings
And press Publish!
Let you all in my head.
Sometimes i wonder, why don’t i do this anonymously?
I feel like i should
I don’t want to seem vulnerable
Or needy.
Bust mostly needy.
Ive always done things for myself
But in a state of panic
I don’t move
I freeze up
I don’t wanna move
I want to sit and think and stare
You know
Pointless shit!
I often wonder why i handle my feelings this way
I want to find a consistent alternative
For my anxiety.
A healthy one.
I want to find consistent happiness.
Real happiness.
But yet….I am happy!
So what am i really looking for?
Why am i never satisfied?
and dont pull that, shes a women bullshit
[for all you fellas reading this]
I dont ask for much.
And honestly
I dont want much
I just want to know, what i want.
What triggers these anxious bones in my body?!
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One thought on “Anxious Oversight

  1. […] Anxious Oversight (cpaynelove.wordpress.com) […]

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