If Only! Yeah Righhhhtttt!!!

14

If only….
If only i felt loved 24/7
Without needing clarification
If only
I felt less awkward on the outside
as i feel on the in
If only
I could wake up in the morning
and actually WANT to get up in the morning
If only
my anxiety could go away long enough
for me to actually enjoy myself
If only
my depression could go away
so i didn’t have to fake a constant smile
These are just a few things i wouldn’t mind having in life
[plus a half a billion dollars but that’s obviously never going to happen]
I’m starting to feel socially awkward
I think I’m distancing myself from the world
I’m detaching myself
So when something bad happens
I have no emotions
I love not caring
Because when i don’t care
I’m not getting hurt
I’m not adding on any added stress
Life could be carefree
Oh how i love the sound of life being carefree
I want to love waking up
I want to love feeling loved
No scratch that!!
I want to love NOT caring if I’m loved or not
I hope one day i can stop having panic attacks
and crying in a dark corner in my room
I love life!!
But i want to be persistent in loving life!
This illness is slowly taring me apart.
But i wont let it take me.
I know I’m stronger then that.
I’m determined and convinced
That i will live a completely happy life
One day!
15
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