So apparently I’m a very mature and intelligent women.
For some reason i call BULLSHIT on that one!!!
I don’t know why i constantly put myself down
and believe I’m not good enough.
I wish i could change my attitude.
But unfortunately the words
of hate towards myself has been engraved in my mind.
Ive been trying to rid them for 6 years.
I have been having horrible anxiety lately
and i don’t know where its coming from.
It could be from the abuse
The anniversary of my mothers death approaching
or the fact that my husband is finally home.
I feel like every now and then
Life just hits me
And it hits me hard.
I want it all to go away for a week.
I wanna relax.
I wanna do that thing when i repeat things and
squeeze my head like things will go away
Shut my eyes, rub my head.
But theres people around
I don’t want them to think I’m crazy.
Oh how I’m crazy
But then again who isn’t?!
I’m a crazy Crazy bitch
In this crazy fucked up world.
Hatred surrounds me.
And i hate it!
You see what i did there ?
I cant get over it
IT FUCKING FOLLOWS MEEE!!!
I wish i could discover a self cure.
I wanna conquer the world
With my big heart.
My “intelligent” mind.
And my mature nature.
I wanna love the way i was meant to.