Foolish Mother Fuckerrrrrrr

I haven’t blogged in a while

And for that I am truly sorry

I know many of you look forward to reading my shit

But on the bright side of things

No blogging equals no attacks right ?!

I’ve recently realized that my original thought process of not having attacks

Was because I’ve been working out like crazy

But then I realized I haven’t had an attack cause I haven’t drank since I’ve been working out like crazy

Do you know what’s sad about that?

I was truly upset

I wanted to cry

I felt like a baby getting her bottle taken away

I lost my comfort

I can’t even casual drink

The second I see alcohol

I want it and crave it everyday

But I know the second I take a sip

It’ll feel like an addiction again

The warmth running through my veins

My horrible thoughts returning

The yelling, screaming, and hatred will fill my soul

I don’t wanna be that person anymore

The crazy thing is

I know I should handle this with certain steps

But for now I’m going to do the dumb thing

And replace my addiction with another addiction


Well until I figure out what I wanna do with my problem and how to handle it

I can’t be that wife

I want Chris to love me

Always and forever

I have to change for him

He’s the love of my life and I his

I wouldn’t want to change that because of my foolishness

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2 thoughts on “Foolish Mother Fuckerrrrrrr

  1. Paula says:

    You must change for you! Exercising is a good habit that keeps your mind from drifting to the bad habits, like alcohol. I have been sober since March 2012 for similar reasons you should also abstain. I attended AA for a while but found that yoga and writing and believing that I am BETTER than the suffering that pushed me to drink in the first place works best for my needs and time. Drinking and getting drunk is overrated and absolutely not good for certain people like you and me. Do this for you; everyone else will follow. šŸ™‚

    • cpaynelove says:

      thank you im trying, its so hard but i know my mother would want me to get better, exercising is helping with my self esteem so much its definanlty worth replacing alcohol with!

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