You Know What i Always Say!? Yeah, Me Neither!

I have such bad anxiety right now

I’m in an “in between” phase

Since I’ve been working out, i haven’t had an anxiety attack in 3 weeks

but right now.

This instant in life.

I feel stuck!

Jittery, my OCD is acting up.

Its all coming back.

Go away, Go away, Go! awayy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I keep rubbing my eyes and covering my face

as if everything is going to disappear.

Its funny though

I have the same reaction every time i open my eyes

and see everything is still the same.

I scratch my head and chuckle

“Ahhh!!! life’s so hilarious sometimes”

Yes, i say that out loud!

Yes, I talk to myself!

Yes, I’m fucking crazyyyyyyyyy!!!!

And do you know what?

I just repeated that process.

I just repeated it at least 7 times in the last 5 minutes.

Rocking back and fourth.

Back and fourth rocking.

As if its going to disappear.

Caressing my hair.

Trying to sooth myself.

Open close, open close, open close.

There goes my OCD again!

Please go away

Why are you coming back?

Why did you have to be triggered?

Why cant you leave me alone?!

My first reaction is to get some wine.

But i haven’t had a sip in almost 2 months.

So I’m just going to sit here and let it pass

and eventually go to sleep.

Sad thing is, i know it’ll return in the morning.

Sleep is only temporary and so are my attacks.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: