I have such bad anxiety right now
I’m in an “in between” phase
Since I’ve been working out, i haven’t had an anxiety attack in 3 weeks
but right now.
This instant in life.
I feel stuck!
Jittery, my OCD is acting up.
Its all coming back.
Go away, Go away, Go! awayy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I keep rubbing my eyes and covering my face
as if everything is going to disappear.
Its funny though
I have the same reaction every time i open my eyes
and see everything is still the same.
I scratch my head and chuckle
“Ahhh!!! life’s so hilarious sometimes”
Yes, i say that out loud!
Yes, I talk to myself!
Yes, I’m fucking crazyyyyyyyyy!!!!
And do you know what?
I just repeated that process.
I just repeated it at least 7 times in the last 5 minutes.
Rocking back and fourth.
Back and fourth rocking.
As if its going to disappear.
Caressing my hair.
Trying to sooth myself.
Open close, open close, open close.
There goes my OCD again!
Please go away
Why are you coming back?
Why did you have to be triggered?
Why cant you leave me alone?!
My first reaction is to get some wine.
But i haven’t had a sip in almost 2 months.
So I’m just going to sit here and let it pass
and eventually go to sleep.
Sad thing is, i know it’ll return in the morning.
Sleep is only temporary and so are my attacks.