Stop Consuming Me, Thoughts!

I can feel myself getting meaner.

You know the whole “not giving a shit” thing.

I feel myself taking it literally.

[OK, not literally in a gross way]

But literally in the sense that, i cant hold my tongue.

I’m starting to lash out at my husband for no reason.

He ask me a question, i lash out.

He tells me I’m beautiful, i lash out.

He cant hear me over skype, i lash out.

[when i say lash out i mean..yell, get angry, you know the whole 9]

When i don’t hear what i wanna hear, when i want to hear it.

I get so fucking angry, i know people aren’t mind readers

but they should be for my benefit.

My anger isn’t consistent

I’m completely happy one second, the next I’m angry!

2 seconds later, everything is fine.

Just thinking of my mood swings makes me want to cry.

I’m so frustrated with myself.

I’m frustrated that i cant control these feelings.

I pray that people i secretly hate

don’t come in contact with me.

I’m to the point that i can no longer hold back my thoughts.

They just come out.

If i don’t say them, i get frustrated.

If i get frustrated, i get angry.

and if i get angry and there still in my face.

Be prepared to get punched!

But also on that note, even if i do like you

I still might give you an attitude, but its not intentional at all.

hah sometimes i wonder how many people i was actually

close friends with at one point are like

“Good thing i don’t talk to this bitch anymore”

and i can only imagine all my ex boyfriends saying

“Good thing i left that bitch when i did, shes fucking crazy”

None of them could possibly be saying that

but i guess that goes along with me low self esteem.

And my thought process of being an

Ugly, fat worthless piece of crap!

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One thought on “Stop Consuming Me, Thoughts!

  1. […] Stop Consuming Me, Thoughts! (cpaynelove.wordpress.com) Share this:TwitterFacebookEmailMoreDiggLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. Filed Under: Miscellaneous, Recovery · Tagged: cerebellar stroke, Disability, Disabled, frustration, Stroke « Sparkpeople […]

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