I can feel myself getting meaner.
You know the whole “not giving a shit” thing.
I feel myself taking it literally.
[OK, not literally in a gross way]
But literally in the sense that, i cant hold my tongue.
I’m starting to lash out at my husband for no reason.
He ask me a question, i lash out.
He tells me I’m beautiful, i lash out.
He cant hear me over skype, i lash out.
[when i say lash out i mean..yell, get angry, you know the whole 9]
When i don’t hear what i wanna hear, when i want to hear it.
I get so fucking angry, i know people aren’t mind readers
but they should be for my benefit.
My anger isn’t consistent
I’m completely happy one second, the next I’m angry!
2 seconds later, everything is fine.
Just thinking of my mood swings makes me want to cry.
I’m so frustrated with myself.
I’m frustrated that i cant control these feelings.
I pray that people i secretly hate
don’t come in contact with me.
I’m to the point that i can no longer hold back my thoughts.
They just come out.
If i don’t say them, i get frustrated.
If i get frustrated, i get angry.
and if i get angry and there still in my face.
Be prepared to get punched!
But also on that note, even if i do like you
I still might give you an attitude, but its not intentional at all.
hah sometimes i wonder how many people i was actually
close friends with at one point are like
“Good thing i don’t talk to this bitch anymore”
and i can only imagine all my ex boyfriends saying
“Good thing i left that bitch when i did, shes fucking crazy”
None of them could possibly be saying that
but i guess that goes along with me low self esteem.
And my thought process of being an
Ugly, fat worthless piece of crap!