Dont Judge me Dammit!

seriously try and have a 3 kids sit still for a picture -__-
So it has been brought to my attention
that I’ve never really touched on the topic of being
pregnant as a teen.
Well, I’ve vaguely touched up on it.
Any who, i think the reason why i haven’t touched up on it
is because i kinda don’t remember it.
I remember i was very detached from my son.
I looked at being pregnant as no big deal
Reality didn’t hit yet
and when reality did hit
I still wasn’t ready
or most importantly attached.
I did do my duties as a mother
but i didn’t really love him like people love there children
to me, at that age…he was just this thing
that had me trapped in this horrible relationship.
I think i actually kinda resented him.
At one point i told his father
he can just keep him, if he let me go.
Obviously that didn’t happen because we all know
my sons father would’ve never taken care of him
but it wasn’t until i actually left the relationship
that it really hit me!
I was a mother.
This was my life.
And i helped create him.
I then realized, when i thought back to all those nights i spent crying
my son was always the one there for me.
I cried to him.
I confided in him.
He was my shoulder i always leaned on.
Sometimes, i think back to those days that i resented him
and wonder “what the hell was i thinking?”
This boy, was my life and he still is.
And honestly hes the reason I’m alive to even make these blogs
If it wasn’t for him
i would’ve killed myself guaranteed.
I’m not one to be dramatic
but i really physically would’ve
but I’m glad i didn’t.
Which brings me to my next topic
Dun dun dunnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah I know its a touchy topic but someone requested it
So I’m answering the question!
Honestly so everyone knows, this is MY opinion
I know everybody has there own views and what not
And I honestly don’t care what you do in your personal life
And I don’t judge.
I’m a free spirit
Who just doesn’t give a shit!
But I choose against abortion
I would never ever EVER get an abortion!
I figured I did the deed, I must handle my responsibilities everybody deserves a chance
Whether your a nobody yet or not
And I’m soooo happy I didn’t get one at 15.
[Yes I probably did have a moment in life when I was like what if]
But I’m happy I didn’t.
The funny thing is
My mom was trying to set up an appointment without telling me
But in Pennsylvania its the child’s choice not the parents.
So when my mother called
The lady asked me if abortion is what I wanted
My response:
I hung up on the bitch!
In the back of my mind I knew I wasn’t ready.
But it was something I had to do
And I can’t imagine not having my son here today!
My pros of abortion: there is none.
Your killing a human being.
That child could be something spectacular in life
And your not even giving it a chance.
My cons: its the same as my pros haha
but yeah i don’t know if that makes sense
i guess pretty much I’m trying to say is
there is no pros and there are no cons
Just have the baby
theres always adoption as an option!
But honestly if I never had my son
Id probably would never have the thought process
Of college on my mind.
Id probably be an alcoholic possibly a drug addict too
Defiantly a partier
And who knows maybe a porn star haha
[Ok I was never a slut but at 8 it seemed like a cool job]
What so hilarious is, I’m not even joking
My son has made me into a better person
He has given me goals
I want to be someone important in life
Because he gave me life!
Each of my children have added an extra reason for me to breathe
My son javon, he’s so kind hearted and loving.
My daughter ryleigh she’s so outgoing, caring and of course girly yet tom boyish and just fun!
And sienna she reminds me of me.
Even though she’ll only be 3 months on the 25th
She has such a big personality.
And her smile, its perfect!
She reminds me of my mother.
My kids give me life.
When my depression and anxiety really get to me.
I look at my kids, and they help me through it.
There smiles brighten my day so much that it hurts.
I can see why my mother loved being a mom so much!
My kids mean life to me.
But i will note, i did want to join the military
not because of my husband though.
It was something i always wanted to do since middle school
I’m hard ass if you haven’t noticed.
And I’ve always thought the military to be for hard ass people.
It was a goal of mine no not a goal! a dream.
but I’m perfectly content at where i am today!
I want to go to college.
I want to spread awareness
to pregnant teens, teens in abusive relationships, and children suffering from PTSD.
I believe who’s better to talk to
someone who went to school and studied it.
Or someone who lived it?
You tell me!
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