Beautiful Disaster

I can’t wait to feel that comfortable feeling.

Knowing my husband is home

Knowing he can make me a bubble bath

Give me a back massage

Make me feel relaxed And at peace

I look forward to Forgetting

Ignoring

Pretending

Nothings wrong with me.

Nothings wrong with anything

Nothings wrong with us

It could be just me

But I wish I could go back in time

And take back some things

One thing in particular I should’ve never done

And I’ve always told myself id never blog about it

But clearly I am right now!

I won’t say exactly what it is

[I didn’t kill anybody if that’s what your thinking]

It makes me feel like a horrible person

I broke someones heart

Its honestly the only wrong doing I’ve ever done

And I wish I could go back And erase it all

This situation is part of problem

And I can’t even blog about it

I wanna blog about it

I know it won’t make it all go away

But when I write I feel liberated

Its that sigh of relief

Getting anything and everything off my chest

I know I have to say my feelings to recover

But its much easier said over a computer

Then in person I can’t do face to face

Its crazy I’ve grown up Learning to lie, manipulate, cheat, and steal

And the only thing I managed to hold on to

Was to never show fear Or emotion

Never trust Or let your guard down

I wish I showed fear more often

I wish I didn’t lack emotion

I wish I could cry in front of others

I wish I could let my guard down

You wonder why, I never mentioned trust?

Because why should I be trusted?

Like I said I grew up learning how to Lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate

Think about it!

Actually don’t think about it, let’s talk about it!

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