I’m currently laying here In the dark
Staring at glow in the dark stars
Hanging on the ceiling
[At my grandparents house just to clarify]
And this is so peaceful
I remember when Chris was home Sometimes he would watch the kids for me
So I can go into our room and relax
When I say relax I mean go into our room Cry my eyes out and scream as loud as I could!
Sometimes these little episodes of mine
could last 45 Min’s, an hour, an hour and a half And on occasions all night.
Eventually it all comes to an end
And I feel a little better
The reason why when I said in the beginning Of this blog
that its relaxing Is because when I have my panic attacks at night
I lay in my room in the dark and stare at the ceiling
Its honestly the only time I’m not chicken shit in the dark
It feels so peaceful
I make up happy fictional stories with my thoughts
It feels as if I’m floating And nothing or no one can bother me
Its really such a peaceful feeling
All my stress melts away
All my pain disappears
Then i slowly drift off
into a peaceful slumber
I wish I could live my everyday life like this
I really do!
By the way
i also want to note that i was told that i was suffering from ptsd.
im pretty sure i knew that already
but it felt good to know that i self diagnosed myself correctly!