Fear Not Fear! Camille is Here?

Do you know what my biggest fear is?

You wanna know?

Go head guess!

I bet you don’t know!

Well here’s a hint

Your reading it…right now!

I don’t like people knowing what’s going on in my head.

It makes me feel weak.

Funny, right?

Because all you’ve been doing for almost the last year

Was reading my thoughts.

My wants, my needs, my must haves.

My wishes, my not so wishes.


And guess what else?!

I’m about to face my fear head on!

I will be seeing a psychologist tomorrow.

Not by choice.

I’m doing it for my loved ones.

Personally I’m not ready.

Physically or emotionally.

I’m shaking just thinking about it.

I don’t wanna go and I shouldn’t have to go!

But I have to go.

I have get over my underlying issues.

It’s been over 6 years

And a hell of a lot of secret crying.

How much longer can i go?

If I don’t go now, I believe I never will!

I have to get better.

I must get better.

For my kids

For my husband

For my family

For my friends

For my mother!

Wish me luck!

And pray, that I will be able to get out the car, and finally face my fear!

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5 thoughts on “Fear Not Fear! Camille is Here?

  1. George Hayward says:

    Good luck! You can do it!

  2. […] Fear Not Fear! Camille is Here? (cpaynelove.wordpress.com) […]

  3. Meghan says:

    I just stumbled on your blog and read this post and was very touched by what you had to say. I wish you the best of luck. I too, am experiencing some of the same feelings that you are and understand just how hard it can be to climb out from underneath it all. I am choosing to believe that once I do, it will be unbelievably worth it! Again, thoughts are with you.

    • cpaynelove says:

      thank you! and i feel the same as well, some days i feel as if ive accomplished nothing but im hoping theres a bright light at the end of the tunnel if i keep working at it. i wish you the best of luck as well!

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