That feeling of “now what” ?
After you get home from dropping off your significant other!
I remember when i left Chris the day he was deployed
and also r&r
I got home
Sat on the couch
and literally out loud i said
I felt so stupid talking to myself
and my kids looked at me like i was crazy!
But that’s how strongly i felt about it
“Now fucking what?!”
At that moment i knew i shouldn’t even worry about talking to myself
I knew i had a whole year to talk to myself.
So i started then and there!
Contemplating on how lost i felt
and how lost i would feel for a whole entire year.
Looking back now
I don’t even remember November to yesterday
This whole year has been a blurry shithole.
and I’m so happy I’m almost done with this crap!
I’m honestly proud of myself
Its so funny
I have anxiety attacks almost everyday
I’m a worry wart
and usually worrying about unnecessary things trigger my attacks.
Like me stubbing my toe.
Ill eventually feel like it’ll have to be amputated
and ill freak out about that!
Not im a hypocondract freak out!
But contemplating back and fourth
my toe would to be amputated freak out.
Chris will go to bed early and get off skype with me.
I automatically assume hes gonna leave me.
I get a 10 thousand dollar bill for pushing a baby out.
and i automatically think
“shit I’m broke” not thinking
“wait maybe i should call the insurance company”
but back to my point
I’ve realized i don’t even remember what half of my attacks are about
or why I’m having them
almost makes me think
maybe i can overcome this!
I just wish it was that easy.
I’ve been trying this new method
of laughing things off
or trying not to think of things all together
Keeping myself occupied.
I’ll get back to you with some result after i try it out
for more then a day ;D