Now im Torn!

In one of those moods!

Well obviously i am, because its the only time i blog.

I’m in my IMISSMYHUSBAND mood!

Which is a great change from my

IWANNASEEKREVENGE mood

and my

WHYISTHEWORLDOUTTOGETME mood!

Well today’s my husbands birthday

and i don’t know if that’s why I’m in a crappy mood

or if its because like all my kids are sick .

But I’m leaning towards the fact that hes not home

i just feel bad that he’s missed like everything for this deployment

all the holidays

our 1st wedding anniversary

My whole pregnancy

The birth of our daughter

the kids birthdays, my birthday, his birthday

Javon’s first day of school

Javon losing his first tooth

the kids growing up in general.

Its a lot to miss out on

and even though i know he’ll never admit it

cause he thinks he has balls of steel, which he doesn’t

I know hes secretly hurting.

I know it, cause I’m hurting for him.

Sometimes i wish i never corrupted him

Yes, that’s how i feel, like i corrupted him

His intentions were to leave for basic with no girlfriend or anything

then he met me About 3 months before he was to leave

and i feel like, maybe things would be easier

for him if he didn’t meet me

cause now look it 3 years later and hes married with three kids

I’m pretty sure that was never in his plans

Now all the money he works so hard to make

[while hes over there and also home]

Goes towards all these necessities

That would be pointless to him if he never met me :/

I just wish something amazingly spectacular

Would happen for him.

He’s an amazing guy who tries and does so much for his family

Not many wives, fiances, girlfriends, spouses

can say that about the father of there children.

and i know your probably like

“yeah, yea, yeah every girl says that about he person there with!”

well I’m not just saying it to say it

or just trying to make him look good

cause he can do that all on his own ;D

but hes really legit

and i couldn’t be luckier

I’m so thankful for him

and wouldn’t of wanted my life to go any other way

and i hope he feels the same way about choosing me!

I love you baby

Happy 21st!

Ill take a drink just for you ;D

*Btw everyone should listen to, Hearts Burst into Fire by Bullet For My valentine! Thats what totally triggered my blog post for today.

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