Money Insanity

Is it possible someone could go crazy just thinking about money
Well i do, i have such a strange money spending anxiety phobia
Its bad to the point that its even hard for me to buy a freaking dollar pair of socks
And its literally has taken me 2 years to buy a 20 dollar swiffer mop
I have no clue how this problem developed
When i was younger, me and my sisters were so used to getting a lot of money from our father
or what i call him now, my mothers sperm donor
But money was no object to me
It was a piece of paper
If i wanted to burn it i probably would’ve
And if you came up to me and asked me for 100 dollars
There was a 98% chance i would’ve gave it to you, not even knowing who the hell you were
or even asking what you were going to spend it on
I remember losing 60 dollars one day at school
and i just shrugged it off like i had a shitload of money in the bank
And looking back now, i wish i would’ve saved all that
I have such high hopes to buy my own house
Something that my mother had always wanted
But was never able to fulfill
Maybe that’s where my nervousness comes from
Maybe I’m just trying to fulfill my moms dreams to make her proud
In some way
Its crazy
As a teenager you think you know whats right and whats wrong
But literally in a blink of an eye
Everything can change
Your thoughts, your morals, your life goals
I would’ve never thought in my wildess dreams
at 21 i would be married have 2 kids, and one on the way
Sitting through a deployment
It almost seems surreal
Where did my childhood go?
Time flew so fast!
and i wish i embraced the past when i could
But now its just a memory
Theres nothing i could change
or do differently
Pretty much all I’m saying is
Enjoy life
Don’t dwell on things
Just live, be happy your breathing
Don’t take things for granted
and most of all save your money
Because once your faced with reality
and have to pay your own bills
buy your own food
and pay other expenses
It’ll drive you crazy INSANE!!!!

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