Live, Life, Breathe

I remember sitting in my bed wide awake most nights
Just staring at the ceiling
I’m convinced at one point i was severely depressed
Sometimes my depression would stoop so low that
I wouldn’t be able to move
You know that feeling when your awake but your still asleep
and your well aware whats going on around you
but your body isn’t responding
Well that’s how i felt
Practically every single night
My nights consisted of either
A) my good old friends cranberry and absolute
or
B) Tylenol PMs
LITERALLY those were the only ways to fall asleep
I got to the point that drinking felt pointless
and Tylenol seemed like a non existent substance to my body
I honestly needed to get out of the 6 year funk that i was in
and find a new more effective solution
and that was Writing
Seriously, we all know I’m not the best writer
but that’s what i did, i went out and brought a journal
Personally, i hate writing
I think its boring and stupid
but come to find out, it helped me express myself in a way
that i didn’t have to show emotion physically
I could let out all my emotions in this book
I could literally scream my feelings
and i wouldn’t be judged
but lets get real haha
Writing in that journal wasn’t enough for me
as much as i didn’t want to be judged
I also wanted to be heard
I want people to know there not the only ones
Maybe if someone else knows
I feel the same way
or we went through the same thing
That could be one more sigh of relief
or one less suicide
and that’s why i made this blog
Even if no ones reads this
I’m just proud of myself
that i could break out of this little shell i put myself into
and could express myself to the world
This blog has change my life
and i honestly think it has saved my life
I’m soo happy with life now
It feels so good not to have to cry myself to sleep
or constantly apologize to my husband for feeling like a failure 
Getting rid of my depression
Was seriously life changing
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