I just posted a picture on my husbands facebook page
and i wrote the caption
“only because you know i hate being touched ♥ haha”
and it just made me think
I wasn’t always like that.
My husband deals with so much of my bullshit
I don’t see how a guy could marry a woman
Who cant even share the same blanket!
Yes! you read that right.
I, Camille Payne
Do not and Will NOT, share a blanket with my husband
and just thinking about someone Else’s skin touching my skin
is making me sick to my stomach!
I’m not the cuddling type either.
Yes, i wanna cuddle
but, no i will not cuddle with you!
Its gross, Its weird, and once again UNCOMFORTABLE!!!
makes me wonder how i ended up having 3 kids Right ;D
[okay maybe I’m being dramatic, cuddling isn’t gross]
but seriously i cant do it.
I think i have a mental block on that part of my life
From my abused days
Its taken me a while to get used to people again
around the time i met Chris
was around the time i actually stopped
flinching when people went to grab something
or had to raise there hand
or just give me a simple hug!
Living like that sucks
people who didn’t know my story were confused
Its honestly embarrassing
and i think that’s where my mental block comes in
I think deep down
I feel like, if I’m not being touched
and i don’t give anybody a reason to touch me
then i wont be scared
and ill be safe forever
I CANT BE ABUSED PHYSICALLY IF YOU CANT TOUCH ME
and i know my husband would never hurt me in that way
I’m going to continue to live like a hermit
and stay in my little shell
Cause i know the second i let my gaurd down for anybody
Thats when ill get screwed!