And he Called Her the Devil

Once again

Thinking about my past
Nothing new right?!
Anyways, lets think back to about a year ago
Justin called [obviously from jail]
and he had the nerve to tell me i was the devil!
Do you know why?
Because apparently
He’s never beat me.
He’s never raped me.
He’s never kept me from my family.
He’s never kept me from going to school.
He’s never put guns to my head.
He’s never forced me to lie for him!
Apparently i have such a huge imagination
and I’m a big fat liar.
i must be the devil right?!
Seriously lets get real
Domestic abuse is a serious thing
It’s nothing to joke about.
The thing is i wasn’t pissed that he called me the devil [okay i was just a little]
but its just the fact that he’s denied ever abusing me.
Telling me i was worthless
Cheating on me.
Telling me, i was the worst girlfriend ever.
Telling me no one would want me and i was gross.
Attempting to kill me.
Forcing me, so close to insanity that i wanted to kill myself.
That’s what pisses me off!
I’m not a liar
And i defiantly wouldn’t lie about something this serious.
I did so much for him even though he didn’t deserve it.
I was faithful.
I was obedient.
I was there for him no matter how bad he beat me.
For example; the time he stomped and kicked me in the head so hard, that he broke his toe
I even lied to the doctor, telling him Justin kicked a chair.
I knew the doctor didn’t believe me Hence he questioned me like 10 times.
I should’ve tried to get out right then and there.
But I’ve already built up so much love and hate.
and i was scared shitless to leave.
Looking back now, i wish i was as strong then as i am now
because if i was, it wouldn’t of gotten as far as it did.
So even though, recently
He has written me a letter apologizing for everything
Admitting everything
[yes it only took him about 6 years to do it]
but I would still like to say
I’m not the devil
Look in the mirror
You may not see the devil
but you will see the spawn of Satan
and you deserve to be where you are today
In jail…For life!
You’ve ruined my life .
And with that said
I’m happy you don’t have one either!
Tagged , ,

4 thoughts on “And he Called Her the Devil

  1. Paula says:

    Don’t for a second think his apology is real. It’s just more manipulation and control. He wants to make you believe he is sorry. He’s sorry he’s in jail and has no effing life, that’s what he’s sorry about. He’s sorry you got away before he killed you. I’ve been here. They never learn. They will forever be children. Let God worry about forgiving them (if they ask for it). You focus on loving yourself again and living the life you were born to live, happy and free of abuse. Peace is reachable. You’re on the right path.

    • cpaynelove says:

      i know thank you, i totally brushed it off when he did apologize…but deep down its what i needed whether it was sincere or not…so i just soaked it in, stopped talking to him and blogged about it 😀 while hes sitting in jail im airing our his past and letting people really know how horrible of a person he was/is..and in the process i get to feel a tad bit better about life!

      • Paula says:

        Tell the world! You will feel better. There are so many victims/survivors who can’t speak or won’t speak out of shame and fear. You are very brave. Keep speaking for those who can’t.

      • cpaynelove says:

        i know, it hasnt taken me 6 years to try and speak out and i figure if i did, it could inspire others to speak out, whether they realize it or not, it actually helps a ton, it has made a huge difference on my life.

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